I love Gertie so much that today I sacrifice my Saturday morning and go to Ikea at Lakeside. This is not something you will usually hear me say. Normally I would, to use John’s quite disgusting expression, rather eat my own earwax (forgive me, he’s from Birmingham), but instead at 8.30 this morning I am eating frukost in the Restaurang, although not the meatballs, you have to draw the line somewhere.
We’ve taken Gertie’s huge table out. It’s given us a lot more room but nowhere to put cups, glasses, laptop etc. Then someone on the excellent Hymer Owners Group Facebook page said we should check out a laptop stand, which looks good on the Ikea website. It costs £15 and they will deliver for £7.00. Ha! Way too easy.
What we do instead is go to the store. We spend £124.05. We buy: the laptop stand, an artificial sage plant, a pot for the artificial sage plant, two glass cafe latte cup thingys, some stuff you put under rugs to stop them slipping, a bedside cupboard, two packs of napkins, three spotlight ceiling sets, seven bulbs for the ceiling sets, a doormat, a wooden chopping block and a metal sieve. The only things we actually need are the laptop stand and the napkins.
You know that bit in Father Ted when all the priests get lost in the lingerie section? That’s me in Fjällsta Florvåg. After seeing the same room setup for the fourth time I realise that I’m lost and can’t find John. Ring him. No reception in the blodig place. It’s beginning to fill up with people who are walking like zombies. It’s a strange phenomenon I’ve noticed before. A slow, ambling, aimless gait. I’m in the kitchen bit now and feel like whacking my way through them with a stekpanna. And then I find him. I’m not going again for at least the next ten years, Gertie or no Gertie.